OH DARN, WE HAVE RAM AND SITA NOW

December 26, 2008

Yes, we have the reincarnations of Ram and Sita in our jungle. (As seen on Sagarmatha TV report.)

After Ram Bahadur Bomjan’s reincarnation as the Buddha, we now have a couple doing their “jungle lila” in Chatara of Sunsari district, claiming to have taken over by divine souls of Ram and Sita.

Forget the republic or people’s republic and all the political bullshit. At this rate, Nepal should be declared the Land of Reincarnations.

In no time, we will have Lord Shiva and Parvati doing their “lila” in the jungles. And to supreme delight of Hare Krishna followers, Bishnu and Krishna are likely to follow the hoard of reincarnated gods trying to cleanse the sinners and save the humanity. Jesus F. Christ too, after so notoriously eluding during the End of Days and millennium, should start planning to appear in the jungles. Dude, it’s already a time for your “second coming”, isn’t it? So, you don’t want to miss out because this has been a very hot season for reincarnations. (I am really not sure about Allah though.)

This couple of Ram and Sita, however, may not spur on as large a fan-following as our Buddha Boy managed to do. Reason – mainly because of their looks! (Sorry, no photos yet) They are simply not up to the par. You see, we have had the perfect pictures of the gods (ie, wall posters of gods) since time immemorial.

Gautam Buddha, as gentle, smiling, ever forgiving with shaven head and wrapped up in white linen, a messenger of peace, meditating underneath the tree. Our Buddha Boy does seem to carry the same presence and aura of Gautam Buddha, except for his long hairs. The long hair is there to give Buddha a retro look, to appeal the modern mass. That’s quite understandable, isn’t it?

As far as, Ram and Sita are concerned, they have been depicted as a lovely couple of Arun Gobil and Deepika. Thanks to Ramanand Sagar’s Ramayan on television, Hindus, especially of the Indian sub continent, have envisioned Ram as a very handsome guy with radiating countenance; while Sita as an angel with seducing eyes like of deer.

Thus it is going to be really hard for this reincarnated Ram and Sita, because of their unappealing and uncharismatic looks, to assure the people that they have the souls of the gods. A very costly glitch in the marketing department, indeed! Bad for business!! Poor Ram and Sita, they can’t even beat our Din Bandhu Pokharel in good looks. So they must plan for another gimmick.

(Suggestion for Jesus F Christ reincarnation: you need to be white skinned, have long hair with a white ring stuck behind the head, have beard and a face of a loser – like the vocalist of a crappy melodic metal band.)

Their gimmick is that the earth, they claim, will be completely destroyed in the next four years and three months or so. Seen in their dreams, the Kali Yug will come to an end and the Satya Yug will start. All the sinners will be completely wiped out and their asses will be eternally toasted in Hell, while the pious ones will go to Heaven – miraculously.

Classic threat and temptation gimmick – which is also the foundation of most of the popular religions! Their last resort – the life-after-death, the heaven and hell, one scary apocalyptic vision! Religious people really believe in this shit too.

The reward-punishment scare tactic really does work on people’s dumb frightened programmed mind.

Hindus, Christians, Muslims, followers of these major religions, all believe in the concept of heaven and hell. Even the Islamist suicide bombers believe in a heaven, where 72 virgin angles await each one of them as a reward for their heroic Jihad.

So getting back to the agenda at hand, for our Ram and Sita too, there will be a fan-following. No doubts. However, there’s still a little bit of a catch here. For this new religious bullshit to be successful, we are curiously anticipating the reincarnation of Raavan too.

Oh, how I love religion!

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It’s Getting Better

November 23, 2008

Buddha Boy

Oh excellent!

Our Buddha Boy Bamjan is now ready and armed with “vajra” and is showering blessings and gratitude to his ever-obedient followers.

They are coming in thousands. Our Buddha Boy, has said he will be attain “nirvana” and then spread peace all over the world. Rejoice you all, rejoice.

Bamjan, our savior. Give us hope. Give us peace. Give us enlightenment. The one who has not eaten for 3 years, the supreme lord of Inedia, the one who can appear and disappear in a flicker of moment, the Buddha of Kaliyuug – lead us into your path towards glory.

The one who is untouched by wind, heat, winter storm, nor rain, nor snakes, nor wild animals – give us the light, before your re-disappear into the wild.

But until you re-emerge, till then, we will worship your posters (they should be already in the printing press by this time). We will burn incense every morning and pray for you – till you attain Buddhat’tyo.

Jai hoos. Jai hoos. Jai hoos.

***

Pic: BG
He traveled to Ratanpur, Bara for an investigative photojournalism and he said that the whole thing appeared as a big organized farce (ekdaam ramrari gariyeko nautanki lagyo malai ta) to him.

How dare he speak such disgrace about our Buddha Boy? Lord, may you forgive this little infantile deviated soul!!


Our Savior, Our Buddha Boy

November 18, 2008

buddha_boy_01

“Buddha Boy” Ram Bahadur Bamjan has once again re-emerged after hiding out in jungle in the southern Nepal for almost a year.

Our guy looks amazingly healthy and chubby this time around, might be the “natural food” he’s been eating during his retreat in the jungle. Clean-shaven and with that long wavy hair which surely makes Rajesh Hamal sulky with jealousy, our guy looks like a true rock-star.

Gautam Bamjan. Bamjan Buddha. Whatever. Many Buddhist followers believe that Bamjan is the reincarnation of Gautam Buddha. They had swarmed to the jungle where he was initially found “meditating” to see the god “live”. They really poured into that place, out of piety and curiosity. They started offering the Buddha Boy with “dakchina and bheti” (means money, of course) as normal Hindu/Buddhist followers do.

Media intervened.

And unlike Gautam Buddha some 2500 years ago, it was not that difficult for our Buddha Boy to gain instant celebrity status. Foreigners too, started thronging to the place (no fucking wonder).

A month or so passes by.

And, in a very dramatic manner, our Buddha Boy reportedly complained of annoyance because of the swarming devotees, and said he could not meditate in peace.

Fair enough.

He then disappeared into “unknown” retreat.

(In the meantime, nobody knows what happened to all those cash offered by the devotees.)

And now, our Buddha Boy has made a comeback.

 buddha_boy_02

With a legion of Tibetan-style monks surrounding him, standing in silence with utmost reverence, our Buddha Boy has made his reappearance. Surreal! Clad in white robe, our Buddha Boy sits on the lotus-pose under a primitive tree and showers his benevolence to nirvana-seekers. He bestows his devoted subjects with blessings of eternal peace and happiness (while the subjects in turn are offering him cash, food and anything deemed good enough to trade for peace and happiness).

People are happy. Buddha Boy is happy. Monks are happy.

It would be “suun ma sughanda” if our Buddha Boy started watching GOD TV and learned those miraculous stuffs like touch-healings, distant healings, televised healings and prayer healings performed by the likes of Pastor Benny Hinn and Todd Bentley (and even Sai Baba). Start Television evangalism.

People would be happier. Buddha Boy would be happier. Monks would be happier.

___

(Both pics by: Binod Joshi/AP)


EYE FOR AN EYE

September 4, 2008

“God bless you all and God bless America”

Do Atheists and Agnostics and Muslims and Buddhists and Voodoos and Jews, do these vote in America?

Now that the Hindus in Orrisa, India have “either burned or damaged at least 2,400 buildings, including Christian prayer houses and schools”, will Bush/Chenny come after the Hindus? What would Obama/Biden or McCain/Palin do about it? Oh shit, Hindus. Terrorists.

But, India does not have OIL!

So the Christians in Orissa can go out in hiding. Expendable. Disposable. NON-issue.

And, damn you all. It’s “Koshi” not “Kosi”. And, don’t say “Koji” either. Ignorants. Arrogants.

After EYE-raq and EYE-ran and Mult-EYE and AntEYE – I thought they would say KosEYE. This time they got it right, though.

ChrEYEst! It’s KOSHI !!!

——-

If you did not know: Read the rest of this entry »


Sadness befalls Living Goddess

May 25, 2008

Kumari

Kumari of Patan “displayed” during this year’s Nariwell Jatra of Rato Machindra Nath.

People were religiously touching her feet, bowing to her.. while she, the Living Goddess, remained lifeless.. sad.. and silent.

How can such glance, which is believed to bring good luck, confer anything but sadness?

She was made Goddess when she was 5. Now, almost 13 years old, she is awaiting her first menstruation – in other words, to be “sacked” from the divine designation as she becomes impure and sinned. Soon she will just be a former-goddess, soon she will have to start all over her normal life – soon she will be ostracized.

Her childhood, now all but a cruel memory intricate with seclusion and silence, sacrificed in the name of tradition. While other children played, cried, went to school and ran on the streets – she, the chosen one, sat inside her temple being trained not to speak, not to smile and not to cry.

All for the glory of “Shakya” family, all for the glory of Hinduism!

She never asked for this.


Attack of Hare Krishna Goons

May 11, 2008

Hare-krishna Goons

Hare Krishna Goons

Hare Krishna goons (these were Russians) selling Bhagavad-Gita and other booklets at Chhata-Chowk in Dharan. Wednesday May 07, 2008.
(Pic contributed by dear Bijay Gajmer)

I like to call them goons because just like any follower of any organized religious sects – be it Hindu, Christian, Buddhism or any other – they are all religious chauvinists trying to SELL heaven.

Here’s a link. (I do not completely agree with some points there.)

Hare Krishna is the most distinguishable cult of the Seventies thanks to the obligatory shaved head and pigtails of male members, chanting and singing and dancing in the big Western cities with saffron robes to the music of cymbals, drums and harmoniums… and collecting money!… receiving donations for the Gita, and door-to door selling of their magazine “Back to the Godhead”.

They use the “pigtails” to be plucked up by Krishna when he rescues them at the time of the deliverance of the world… however, they use “wigs” for the many money-making schemes: charities, asking money for the poor, orphans, Vietnam widows, against drugs… working in big sports, pop concerts, selling car stickers and badges, without permission, of course!…

But after 100 million Gitas distributed, plus 500,000 monthly periodicals of “Back to Godhead”, the “innocence” of those flower-power days is gone… no more contributions now!
A famous contributor was the Beatle George Harrison (dead now).
Founded in 1966, by His Divine Grace Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhuda, born in Calcutta, India, as Abhay Charan De. He came to New York with $8 in his pocket, and 11 years later, in 1977, he died of heart failure, after setting up a multi-million-dollar business empire with 40 temples and 3,000 followers in the USA alone.

Today, they claim a membership of 2 million, but the Center Roger Ikor of Paris puts it at 15,000 devotees worldwide.

The headquarters are now at 3764 Watseka Avenue, Los Angeles, CA 90034, USA.
….

With all of this going on, still about 15,000 devotees try to obtain “Krishna Consciousness”, using 3 methods:
…1- Obeying a Guru, who is like god for them.
…2- Live a very austere life: They sleep 6 hours on a hard floor, no alcohol, no meat, no fish, no conversation unrelated to Krishna. They give up all possessions. If anyone tries to talk with them out of Krishna, he is of Satan. Live in celibacy until marriage, and then they can have sex only after repeating the mantra for 5 hours.
…3- Chant the mantra for at least 5 hours daily, pray the Gita, receive indoctrination, and hard work!.

Seems like these guys do manage to sell heaven (in the meantime, lots of those frigging books and publications). And that thing about “pigtail” is very interesting – “to be plucked into heaven”. Hahaha.

Shut up you freaking hippies.


Armed Revolution for Hindu Monarchy

May 1, 2008

Hindu Activist with weapon  Hindu Activist 

Are they coming out with Trishul, Bow/Arrow? Or are they coming out with M16 and Beretta? Or are they coming out with bombs and grenades?

Are they going to bomb people now? Are they going to bomb Nepali people? Will we be reading news of suicide-bomb attacks in Kathmandu?

Will WE be the news itself?

Source: Kantipur Daily

Extremist Hindu organizations of Nepal and India have warned to launch armed struggle to keep the last Hindu monarchy in Nepal.

They have warned they would not accept the decision of the elected constituent assembly to remove monarchy.

The conference of World Hindu Federation that concluded in Balrampur district of India, Monday, decided to focus their movement against Maoists.

The conference was participated by dozens of Hindu activists from both the countries.

The movement would be led by Hem Bahadur Karki, a retired army colonel and recently elected president of WHF, and former royal ADC Bharat Keshar Simha from Nepal, and by Yogi Adityanath, MP of Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) from Gorakhpur, from India.

They have decided to gather pro-Hindu activists from all over the two countries and start the movement from Terai.

Further read-> Maoists from Underground to Cabinet
Jump to Indian Dilemma part.