December 26, 2008

Yes, we have the reincarnations of Ram and Sita in our jungle. (As seen on Sagarmatha TV report.)

After Ram Bahadur Bomjan’s reincarnation as the Buddha, we now have a couple doing their “jungle lila” in Chatara of Sunsari district, claiming to have taken over by divine souls of Ram and Sita.

Forget the republic or people’s republic and all the political bullshit. At this rate, Nepal should be declared the Land of Reincarnations.

In no time, we will have Lord Shiva and Parvati doing their “lila” in the jungles. And to supreme delight of Hare Krishna followers, Bishnu and Krishna are likely to follow the hoard of reincarnated gods trying to cleanse the sinners and save the humanity. Jesus F. Christ too, after so notoriously eluding during the End of Days and millennium, should start planning to appear in the jungles. Dude, it’s already a time for your “second coming”, isn’t it? So, you don’t want to miss out because this has been a very hot season for reincarnations. (I am really not sure about Allah though.)

This couple of Ram and Sita, however, may not spur on as large a fan-following as our Buddha Boy managed to do. Reason – mainly because of their looks! (Sorry, no photos yet) They are simply not up to the par. You see, we have had the perfect pictures of the gods (ie, wall posters of gods) since time immemorial.

Gautam Buddha, as gentle, smiling, ever forgiving with shaven head and wrapped up in white linen, a messenger of peace, meditating underneath the tree. Our Buddha Boy does seem to carry the same presence and aura of Gautam Buddha, except for his long hairs. The long hair is there to give Buddha a retro look, to appeal the modern mass. That’s quite understandable, isn’t it?

As far as, Ram and Sita are concerned, they have been depicted as a lovely couple of Arun Gobil and Deepika. Thanks to Ramanand Sagar’s Ramayan on television, Hindus, especially of the Indian sub continent, have envisioned Ram as a very handsome guy with radiating countenance; while Sita as an angel with seducing eyes like of deer.

Thus it is going to be really hard for this reincarnated Ram and Sita, because of their unappealing and uncharismatic looks, to assure the people that they have the souls of the gods. A very costly glitch in the marketing department, indeed! Bad for business!! Poor Ram and Sita, they can’t even beat our Din Bandhu Pokharel in good looks. So they must plan for another gimmick.

(Suggestion for Jesus F Christ reincarnation: you need to be white skinned, have long hair with a white ring stuck behind the head, have beard and a face of a loser – like the vocalist of a crappy melodic metal band.)

Their gimmick is that the earth, they claim, will be completely destroyed in the next four years and three months or so. Seen in their dreams, the Kali Yug will come to an end and the Satya Yug will start. All the sinners will be completely wiped out and their asses will be eternally toasted in Hell, while the pious ones will go to Heaven – miraculously.

Classic threat and temptation gimmick – which is also the foundation of most of the popular religions! Their last resort – the life-after-death, the heaven and hell, one scary apocalyptic vision! Religious people really believe in this shit too.

The reward-punishment scare tactic really does work on people’s dumb frightened programmed mind.

Hindus, Christians, Muslims, followers of these major religions, all believe in the concept of heaven and hell. Even the Islamist suicide bombers believe in a heaven, where 72 virgin angles await each one of them as a reward for their heroic Jihad.

So getting back to the agenda at hand, for our Ram and Sita too, there will be a fan-following. No doubts. However, there’s still a little bit of a catch here. For this new religious bullshit to be successful, we are curiously anticipating the reincarnation of Raavan too.

Oh, how I love religion!


It’s Getting Better

November 23, 2008

Buddha Boy

Oh excellent!

Our Buddha Boy Bamjan is now ready and armed with “vajra” and is showering blessings and gratitude to his ever-obedient followers.

They are coming in thousands. Our Buddha Boy, has said he will be attain “nirvana” and then spread peace all over the world. Rejoice you all, rejoice.

Bamjan, our savior. Give us hope. Give us peace. Give us enlightenment. The one who has not eaten for 3 years, the supreme lord of Inedia, the one who can appear and disappear in a flicker of moment, the Buddha of Kaliyuug – lead us into your path towards glory.

The one who is untouched by wind, heat, winter storm, nor rain, nor snakes, nor wild animals – give us the light, before your re-disappear into the wild.

But until you re-emerge, till then, we will worship your posters (they should be already in the printing press by this time). We will burn incense every morning and pray for you – till you attain Buddhat’tyo.

Jai hoos. Jai hoos. Jai hoos.


Pic: BG
He traveled to Ratanpur, Bara for an investigative photojournalism and he said that the whole thing appeared as a big organized farce (ekdaam ramrari gariyeko nautanki lagyo malai ta) to him.

How dare he speak such disgrace about our Buddha Boy? Lord, may you forgive this little infantile deviated soul!!

Our Savior, Our Buddha Boy

November 18, 2008


“Buddha Boy” Ram Bahadur Bamjan has once again re-emerged after hiding out in jungle in the southern Nepal for almost a year.

Our guy looks amazingly healthy and chubby this time around, might be the “natural food” he’s been eating during his retreat in the jungle. Clean-shaven and with that long wavy hair which surely makes Rajesh Hamal sulky with jealousy, our guy looks like a true rock-star.

Gautam Bamjan. Bamjan Buddha. Whatever. Many Buddhist followers believe that Bamjan is the reincarnation of Gautam Buddha. They had swarmed to the jungle where he was initially found “meditating” to see the god “live”. They really poured into that place, out of piety and curiosity. They started offering the Buddha Boy with “dakchina and bheti” (means money, of course) as normal Hindu/Buddhist followers do.

Media intervened.

And unlike Gautam Buddha some 2500 years ago, it was not that difficult for our Buddha Boy to gain instant celebrity status. Foreigners too, started thronging to the place (no fucking wonder).

A month or so passes by.

And, in a very dramatic manner, our Buddha Boy reportedly complained of annoyance because of the swarming devotees, and said he could not meditate in peace.

Fair enough.

He then disappeared into “unknown” retreat.

(In the meantime, nobody knows what happened to all those cash offered by the devotees.)

And now, our Buddha Boy has made a comeback.


With a legion of Tibetan-style monks surrounding him, standing in silence with utmost reverence, our Buddha Boy has made his reappearance. Surreal! Clad in white robe, our Buddha Boy sits on the lotus-pose under a primitive tree and showers his benevolence to nirvana-seekers. He bestows his devoted subjects with blessings of eternal peace and happiness (while the subjects in turn are offering him cash, food and anything deemed good enough to trade for peace and happiness).

People are happy. Buddha Boy is happy. Monks are happy.

It would be “suun ma sughanda” if our Buddha Boy started watching GOD TV and learned those miraculous stuffs like touch-healings, distant healings, televised healings and prayer healings performed by the likes of Pastor Benny Hinn and Todd Bentley (and even Sai Baba). Start Television evangalism.

People would be happier. Buddha Boy would be happier. Monks would be happier.


(Both pics by: Binod Joshi/AP)

Fighting Global Warming

October 28, 2008

(The Earth is really getting hotter!)

There must be some practical ways to fighting global warming.

We can,
   conserve energy, use it wisely;
   at houses, use energy-saving bulbs;
   use solar energy;
   maintain ours vehicle, keep it energy-efficient;
   ditch the habit of using plastic.

There are surely other ways too.

However, THIS sure is not a way to fight global warming.

You stupid little Miss Earth wannabe, can’t you see? You are not fighting. YOU are contributing to the global warming 🙂


Our Maoist revolutionary women leaders/constituent assemblers/social workers must have dreaded the fact that these sort of bikini crusaders would come for the rescue and save the world! And thus, they lobbied against Miss Nepal beauty contest and eventually succeeded in stopping the show.

Alas, our own Nepali girl could have been standing right over there – bikini clad, all set for action with a hand shaped green placard – and doing such a noble job of fighting the global warming. Nepal could have another reason to be proud of, a better reason to be proud of… besides good old Gautam Buddha and gradually shedding Mount Everest. (sic)

Gandhipath and Prachandapath

April 5, 2008

Prachanda’s speeches are usually entertaining – with a healthy mix of childish whining and day dreaming, based on rather quixotic scenario for his future. With not more than a week for the constituent assembly elections, there he goes, one more time at the same old Open Theater, roaring like a lion. His posture as imposing as ever – he radiates, literally blurring the grim looking images of Stalin and Mao on the background flex.

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Vikashananda opts for a Knock Out

March 14, 2008

Prachanda and Vikashananda

(Maoist chairman Prachanda and Vikashananda during the inauguration program of a new building of Manokranti Matrix in Godawari. March 9, 2008)

I have never played Boxing – but I can imagine how a boxer might feel like when, out of a sudden and out of a freaking blue – you receive a sucker punch that knocks you out cold for good.

THIS was the “sucker punch” move (almost) perfectly executed by Vikashananda on the Nepali media. Wait, plan and execute. Ingenious!

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Manokranti = Bare Ass Propaganda

February 25, 2008

(I am writing this with extreme respect for meditation and yoga)

Last week, some lucky people of Kathmandu witnessed a glorious farce in front of the Gorkhapatra Corporation, New Road where a bunch of Manokranti followers stripped naked and protested against the Nepali media for not publishing news about their numerous – what they claimed as – “incredible feats”.

They were holding placards written “Stop Yellow Journalism”, “where is the news about world cycle tour”, “where is the news about underground meditation”, “where is the news about walking on the fire”, “where is the news about 12 hours continuous speech”, “where is the news of Manokrantiversity” and also demanded “National acknowledgement/approval for Manokranti Philosophy” among others.

I do not care who this character “Dr. Yogi Vikashananda” is – nor do I care what his “vision”, “teaching” and “philosophy” are. I have nothing against his personal life and activities. He is entitled to his freedom of speech, opinion and pursuit. I do not care what his definition of “manokranti” (translation = revolution of self) is, nor do I care what they do inside their Manokranti Matrix Gurukul.

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