OH DARN, WE HAVE RAM AND SITA NOW

Yes, we have the reincarnations of Ram and Sita in our jungle. (As seen on Sagarmatha TV report.)

After Ram Bahadur Bomjan’s reincarnation as the Buddha, we now have a couple doing their “jungle lila” in Chatara of Sunsari district, claiming to have taken over by divine souls of Ram and Sita.

Forget the republic or people’s republic and all the political bullshit. At this rate, Nepal should be declared the Land of Reincarnations.

In no time, we will have Lord Shiva and Parvati doing their “lila” in the jungles. And to supreme delight of Hare Krishna followers, Bishnu and Krishna are likely to follow the hoard of reincarnated gods trying to cleanse the sinners and save the humanity. Jesus F. Christ too, after so notoriously eluding during the End of Days and millennium, should start planning to appear in the jungles. Dude, it’s already a time for your “second coming”, isn’t it? So, you don’t want to miss out because this has been a very hot season for reincarnations. (I am really not sure about Allah though.)

This couple of Ram and Sita, however, may not spur on as large a fan-following as our Buddha Boy managed to do. Reason – mainly because of their looks! (Sorry, no photos yet) They are simply not up to the par. You see, we have had the perfect pictures of the gods (ie, wall posters of gods) since time immemorial.

Gautam Buddha, as gentle, smiling, ever forgiving with shaven head and wrapped up in white linen, a messenger of peace, meditating underneath the tree. Our Buddha Boy does seem to carry the same presence and aura of Gautam Buddha, except for his long hairs. The long hair is there to give Buddha a retro look, to appeal the modern mass. That’s quite understandable, isn’t it?

As far as, Ram and Sita are concerned, they have been depicted as a lovely couple of Arun Gobil and Deepika. Thanks to Ramanand Sagar’s Ramayan on television, Hindus, especially of the Indian sub continent, have envisioned Ram as a very handsome guy with radiating countenance; while Sita as an angel with seducing eyes like of deer.

Thus it is going to be really hard for this reincarnated Ram and Sita, because of their unappealing and uncharismatic looks, to assure the people that they have the souls of the gods. A very costly glitch in the marketing department, indeed! Bad for business!! Poor Ram and Sita, they can’t even beat our Din Bandhu Pokharel in good looks. So they must plan for another gimmick.

(Suggestion for Jesus F Christ reincarnation: you need to be white skinned, have long hair with a white ring stuck behind the head, have beard and a face of a loser – like the vocalist of a crappy melodic metal band.)

Their gimmick is that the earth, they claim, will be completely destroyed in the next four years and three months or so. Seen in their dreams, the Kali Yug will come to an end and the Satya Yug will start. All the sinners will be completely wiped out and their asses will be eternally toasted in Hell, while the pious ones will go to Heaven – miraculously.

Classic threat and temptation gimmick – which is also the foundation of most of the popular religions! Their last resort – the life-after-death, the heaven and hell, one scary apocalyptic vision! Religious people really believe in this shit too.

The reward-punishment scare tactic really does work on people’s dumb frightened programmed mind.

Hindus, Christians, Muslims, followers of these major religions, all believe in the concept of heaven and hell. Even the Islamist suicide bombers believe in a heaven, where 72 virgin angles await each one of them as a reward for their heroic Jihad.

So getting back to the agenda at hand, for our Ram and Sita too, there will be a fan-following. No doubts. However, there’s still a little bit of a catch here. For this new religious bullshit to be successful, we are curiously anticipating the reincarnation of Raavan too.

Oh, how I love religion!

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13 Responses to OH DARN, WE HAVE RAM AND SITA NOW

  1. Pranjal says:

    This is the first time in my entire internet history that I’m typing -> ROTFLMAO!

  2. S says:

    wou..it seemed like forever the last time I was here..damn..I love holidays!..and as always..had a good laugh reading your analysis…and yeah..don’t we just love religion…without which..we would have no stories to tell.. no shits to brag about…there just would be no piece of mind in this world. BTW, about that Jihad thing/.and 72 angels waiting in the heaven..did you just make that up?..or is it really written ‘written’?..cause on a serious note, these stuff are always misintepreted..

  3. ShutUp says:

    “The other key ingredient is the promise of 72 virgins waiting in heaven for any martyr in Islam. ”

    Source:
    http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=pto-4359.html

    Also mentioned in:
    Atheist Universe: Why God Didn’t Have a Thing To Do With It
    David Mills

    I’m really not sure if it’s “written” in Quran.

  4. red says:

    Allah never mentioned that those 72 virgins would be female. Jihadis are gonna end fucked up when they go to heaven and find those virgins (if they aren’t gay)

  5. xnepali says:

    Ha ha haa

    nice article.

  6. pb says:

    i like red’s comment. 😀

  7. raaz says:

    nice aticle….i loved it

  8. Mike says:

    These suicide bombers and terrorists in the name of Islam have this lone motivation of enjoying 72 virgins i guess.. what a perverted religious people.. totally irrational and destroyers of the world.. And these religious mullas of islam are also sitting dumb without preaching the right things to their youths and preventing them from going in a wrong way..

  9. Keep writing… this was a good one!

  10. Moth Shut Up says:

    Just an update:

    Sadly, the media did not blow this Ram-Sita couple issue into exaggeration and their farce ended without any stupid legion of Hindu fanatics following them.

    I say “sadly” because this could have been such a hilarious re-incarnation story to laugh at.

  11. Balu says:

    Moth Shut Up,
    You are an asshole.. you keep condemning everyone.. Why are you doing like this?? cant you speak good about people? are there no good people according to you?

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