Dance Baby Dance – A Drama in Three Acts

November 29, 2008


Act 1: Maoist Central Committee Meeting

The central committee meeting ended inconclusively.

Party chairman Puspa Kamal Dahal “Prachanda” and party’s ideologue Mohan Baidhya “Kiran” had presented two separate political proposals to determine the party’s future direction. Prachanda proposed a “Transitional Democratic Republic” model; Kiran proposed a radical “People’s Republic through Revolt” model*.

After days of meeting, the committee members could not resolve on which proposal to endorse. They are to have a discussion of the issue in the party’s general assembly, scheduled for some time next year.

At least that’s what people have been told.

Though, there’s a seeming “rift” among the Maoist central members – one for Prachanda+Baburam, another for Kiran+Gajurel. However, it was not that hard to comprehend that the rift is all but well designed propaganda, with media acting like a complete jerk.

Nepali Congress – it almost rejoiced on the news of the “rift” in the Maoist party. Opportunist, yet completely gullible!

Act 2: Maoists Cadres’ National Convention

Divided into 21 groups, some 1200 Maoist cadres got all set to discuss and finalize one of the two proposals.

Kiran’s proposal of declaring People’s Republic through a Revolt – appealed to those hard-ass-liners, radicals and extremists on the party’s frontline. Prachanda’s proposal seemed to appeal to those slightly drifting from the hardcore radicalism who had already started to grasp the idea – “you need to lick balls of the neighbors and power-nations to be in the power and when you get tired of licking balls, lick it all over again”.

So they discussed. For two days.

In the meantime, the “rift” was highlighted with jubilation in media. It was, they said, inevitable! The party is on the shameful brink of disintegration.

The designers must have had a good laugh.

Act 3: People’s Federal Democratic National Republic**

In an extraordinary turn of events, the party convention endorses Prachanda’s proposal. After five days of discussion, which had the whole nation gawking with full attention, the party cadres and central committee members agree to follow Prachanda’s proposal as the party’s future direction.

Baburam Bhattarai, thutey junga musaardai, said that the party is disintegration-proof and it will initiate its people centric work from the government, parliament and street. (What’s stopping you.. do it… please do it. Shut up and do it.)

After making everyone dance to their tune for five continuous days, the top heads ended the convention with a revolutionary exclamation mark – everyone one of them danced on the stage***.

Nothing is so delightful than a successful drama – a well executed and directed farce in three acts.

* The concept seems as ridiculous as the first ever wall president of Republic of Nepal – Prachanda. Kiran should be out of his mind. His proposal: People’s Republic through Revolt? Revolt – what revolt! His party is in the government, for Hanumaan’s sake! Has any one heard of any government revolting against itself? Revolt – for whom? for what? Ruling party revolting against what?

It beats me with its profound idiocy. The concept is palin stupid. Period.

** Somehow, it’s going to be hard for kids remembering our country’s name:
PFDNR of Nepal.



Our Honorable Constituent Assembly Members

November 28, 2008

CA members.
Forged bills.
Fake bills.
Bills of taxi fare, of shoe repair, of Horlicks, of fruits, of condoms.
These are the ones writing the new constitution for us.


CA members earn approximately Rs.50,000 per month (salary and allowances of all sorts).

Daridra Maanasik’ta: Poverty is not a condition, it’s a mentality.


It’s Getting Better

November 23, 2008

Buddha Boy

Oh excellent!

Our Buddha Boy Bamjan is now ready and armed with “vajra” and is showering blessings and gratitude to his ever-obedient followers.

They are coming in thousands. Our Buddha Boy, has said he will be attain “nirvana” and then spread peace all over the world. Rejoice you all, rejoice.

Bamjan, our savior. Give us hope. Give us peace. Give us enlightenment. The one who has not eaten for 3 years, the supreme lord of Inedia, the one who can appear and disappear in a flicker of moment, the Buddha of Kaliyuug – lead us into your path towards glory.

The one who is untouched by wind, heat, winter storm, nor rain, nor snakes, nor wild animals – give us the light, before your re-disappear into the wild.

But until you re-emerge, till then, we will worship your posters (they should be already in the printing press by this time). We will burn incense every morning and pray for you – till you attain Buddhat’tyo.

Jai hoos. Jai hoos. Jai hoos.


Pic: BG
He traveled to Ratanpur, Bara for an investigative photojournalism and he said that the whole thing appeared as a big organized farce (ekdaam ramrari gariyeko nautanki lagyo malai ta) to him.

How dare he speak such disgrace about our Buddha Boy? Lord, may you forgive this little infantile deviated soul!!

Because it’s FUN

November 21, 2008


General Strikes, Bandha and Hadtaal might be pain in the ass for some, but for those out on the streets creating havoc and terror, its pure unadulterated fun.

When one has to think about the options for recreation and entertainment for the youth of Nepal, ummm.. there are slim to none. Sports? No one plays football any more, for instance. There are no football grounds. The one inside the Dashrath Stadium is for novelty games – for a match between the comedians and musicians. WTF. WTF

Movies? What movies! No one really bothers going to cinema halls anymore. Rajesh Hamal has lost his charm. (Did he ever have any?) The new movies have Hindi titles. Buland. Balwaan. Hami Tin Bhai. Kismat. Kumari and Jai Nepal? Fuck, it’s 300 Rs.

Education? We have teachers turned into goons, vandalizing schools, beating up bus drivers and threatening students. Reading is no fun no more.

Music and musicians have degraded. Dance Restaurants are closed. We can’t go to the Casinos. The country’s only recreational park – Bhrikuti Mandap is in superb shambles.

Chanting political slogans. No fun.
Singing national anthem. No fun.
Poem. Shit.
Walking in rallies. No fun.
Getting jobs. What?
Silent protest. No fun.
Fast-till-death. Staying hungry. Out of question.

Thus, come any strikes, bandha and hadtaal – the youths rejoice, for these are the mere moments to be rejoiced about. These are divine.

In absolute lawlessness, we rejoice. There’s no rule of game. There’s only one principle.


Power to the youth!


Pics: AP

Our Savior, Our Buddha Boy

November 18, 2008


“Buddha Boy” Ram Bahadur Bamjan has once again re-emerged after hiding out in jungle in the southern Nepal for almost a year.

Our guy looks amazingly healthy and chubby this time around, might be the “natural food” he’s been eating during his retreat in the jungle. Clean-shaven and with that long wavy hair which surely makes Rajesh Hamal sulky with jealousy, our guy looks like a true rock-star.

Gautam Bamjan. Bamjan Buddha. Whatever. Many Buddhist followers believe that Bamjan is the reincarnation of Gautam Buddha. They had swarmed to the jungle where he was initially found “meditating” to see the god “live”. They really poured into that place, out of piety and curiosity. They started offering the Buddha Boy with “dakchina and bheti” (means money, of course) as normal Hindu/Buddhist followers do.

Media intervened.

And unlike Gautam Buddha some 2500 years ago, it was not that difficult for our Buddha Boy to gain instant celebrity status. Foreigners too, started thronging to the place (no fucking wonder).

A month or so passes by.

And, in a very dramatic manner, our Buddha Boy reportedly complained of annoyance because of the swarming devotees, and said he could not meditate in peace.

Fair enough.

He then disappeared into “unknown” retreat.

(In the meantime, nobody knows what happened to all those cash offered by the devotees.)

And now, our Buddha Boy has made a comeback.


With a legion of Tibetan-style monks surrounding him, standing in silence with utmost reverence, our Buddha Boy has made his reappearance. Surreal! Clad in white robe, our Buddha Boy sits on the lotus-pose under a primitive tree and showers his benevolence to nirvana-seekers. He bestows his devoted subjects with blessings of eternal peace and happiness (while the subjects in turn are offering him cash, food and anything deemed good enough to trade for peace and happiness).

People are happy. Buddha Boy is happy. Monks are happy.

It would be “suun ma sughanda” if our Buddha Boy started watching GOD TV and learned those miraculous stuffs like touch-healings, distant healings, televised healings and prayer healings performed by the likes of Pastor Benny Hinn and Todd Bentley (and even Sai Baba). Start Television evangalism.

People would be happier. Buddha Boy would be happier. Monks would be happier.


(Both pics by: Binod Joshi/AP)

America INVADES Nepal

November 17, 2008

George Bush

Program: BBC Nepal’s Sajha Sawal on Kantipur TV

Venue: At a ground in front of the premises of Shakti Khor, Division 3, Chitawan.
Participants: Maoist leader Barsa Man Pun “Ananta” and Nepali Congress leader (forgot the name) with some 20-30 Maoist PLA combatants, some NC party workers and general people.

Issue: The Integration of Maoist Combatants into the National Army

The moderator asks one of the female Maoist combatants.

Q: Why do you think Nepal needs any army at all?
A: To protect the country from all sorts of invasion.

Q: Who is going to invade Nepal?
A: America. The imperialist America. Just turn the pages of history, you will realize America has always been invading the countries that are not in line with America’s imperialism and capitalism.

Q: Do you really think America will invade Nepal?
A: Yes it can.

The concept of “America invading Nepal” sounds really far-fetched, funny, scary, ridiculous, childish, inevitable…

America indeed has a history of invading countries, toppling democracies, administering puppet governments. It has a history of lying to its own people while ordering bombings, inquests and genocides, all sorts of atrocities – to protect its “national interest”.

Thus, with people like this particular army general – who thinks any non-western human life is expendable – is still in abundance in America, you never know what’s next after Iraq and Afghanistan.

“The Oriental does not put the same high price on life as a Westerner. Life is plentiful, life is cheap in the Orient. The philosophy of life in the Orient expresses that life is not important.” – General William Westmoreland (Vietnam War)
Source: Hearts and Mind (1974)

Nevertheless, the concept of America invading Nepal sounds equally unrealistic and bone chilling at the same time.

The combatant’s “apocalyptic” vision is really admirable, though. Well tought by the Maoists.

Highly Recommended:
Hearts and Mind (Documentary on Vietnam War, 1974)
War on Democracy (Documentary on American Invasion on Latin American Nations, by John PIlger)


November 13, 2008

There have been around 15000 deaths during the Maoist insurgency. There are hundreds of families we don’t know about how they died. Why Ramhari’s murder is this big an issue! Why a single incident of Ramhari Shrestha murder case is this important?

Well, somewhere sometime, this rampant regime of impunity has to end. Why not with Ramhari’s case! Why not now!

Ramhari Shrestha was not murdered during the insurgency. It was on May this year. The election of the Constituent Assembly was already over. He was murdered in one of the Maoists camps when the Maoists themselves were in the interim government. The UNMIN supposedly had/has a constant vigilance on the Maoists camps and cantonments. It happened right under the UNMIN’s watchful arse. That’s why this case is special.

The commission formed to investigate into Ramhari’s murder confirmed the involvement of three of the Maoists’ army commanders in his death. The Supreme Court ordered the three suspects be brought to justice. The Maoists tops said the three had been suspended from their People’s Liberation Army but never did try to hand them over to the police.

That was then.

Everyone, including the media, had almost forgotten Ramhari’s incident until reports started coming into the media about Minister for Defense Ram Bahadur Thapa “Baadal” meeting with one of the major suspect – Kali Bahadur Kham Magar a.k.a. Bibidh – at a public function in Chitawan.

Of course Maoist leader Baadal vehemently denied the news. If Baadal has lied in the parliament, he sure has the guts to act up. It’s no big deal some how.

The big deal is – the current Home Minister knows where the prime suspect is hiding. Is he even hiding? What our honorable Home Minister Bamdev Gautam insists is that “he wants to apprehend the suspect” but “there are technical constraints and the Police does not have the reach everywhere and everytime”.

That’s Bamdev’s extreme helplessness or absolute lameness. Whatever the reality is, he is too busy kissing Maoist ass. It’s just a complete mockery.

Sometimes Bamdev displays his supremacy, for instance, by wiping out the street vendors from the streets and thoroughfares of Kathmandu without any prior notice or alternative. Or when he roars with utmost confidence that “cyber cafes are the major centers of crimes and he will meticulously strike them down one by one”; and when he claims so arrogantly during public programs and inaugurations that he is unlike other Home Minister and is going to curb the criminal activities and bring the crime rates down significantly within the three months of his tenure, he seems to be in the command of the country’s police force and the criminals seem to be wetting their pants.

With just a little technical glitch.

Should he nab Bibidh? Yes.
Must he nab Bibidh? Yes, he has to protect his reputation.
Does he want to nab Bididh? May be.
Will he nab Bibidh? NO. He simply does not want to spoil his nice little productive profitable camaraderie with the Maoists.

Should the Maoists make it easier by handing Bibidh over to the police? Yes. If they are smart enough!
Will they make it easier by handing Bibidh to the police? No.
They best slit the guy’s throat, chop him up and pack him up in a ricebag and throw the bag down the river.

Case dismissed.