Recurring Nightmare

I have been having a recurring nightmare for some days now. I am having problem sleeping. I am having problem working. I am having problem thinking straight because the apparition of the nightmare lingers on my “thinking” side of the brain.

This nightmare, this recurring one, cruel one!

The first time I had this nightmare, my logic became very confused within it self. Was it a dream, was it a reality? After the initial state of shock, my senses became grossly pathological. And since then, it has been haunting me. I have never been this frightened in my bed. Not even when I watched bullet riddled bodies and hacked corpses in Rolpa on television news some years back. I was taken back, when I heard the news of a lunatic army man, spraying bullets over innocent people of Nagarkot. But never have I been this scared before.

I would see 601 heads, evil heads all staring at me with blood spewing eyes and then deridingly laughing at me. I would try to shut my ears close but the roar of their haunting laughter would puncture through my eardrums and paralyze my heart. And then I would wake up, frantic and breathless and realize that I was having a horrible nightmare.

Next night, before sleeping, I would read the history of great martyrs who fought for the unification of the nation, for freedom and for nationality. I would try to doze off with the tales of devotion and sacrifices. Then suddenly in the middle of the night, I would feel hundreds of merciless hands griping my throat and then pulling me down into the abyss. I would be surrounded by a legion of zombies. 601 demons, more hungry and menacing. With a resounding “WE want YOU”, 601 would creepily slog towards me, their eyes full of lust and power. I would scream in torment, only to find myself completely sodden in sweat – shaking eternally.

What did I do to deserve this? I have no clue. My peace of mind has been ravaged. And there is no one to console me of this wicked mental torture. I have been left aimless in this perennial darkness while the 601 is celebrating its newly established evil empire.

I try to confront this 601 nightmare, but I keep stumbling hard on the truth. Blurred is the line now, between the nightmare and reality. I keep on vanishing into the maze and never comprehend why the 601 is after my blood.

Every next day, possibilities of “new” dreams bounce up like bubbles, but the recurring nightmare continues to suck my life off. I am weak and tired, thin and corroded. I am helpless. Infuriating little nudges of “why” and “how” keep draining me.

And here’s how the nightmare started.

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