Dance Baby Dance – A Drama in Three Acts

Act 1: Maoist Central Committee Meeting

The central committee meeting ended inconclusively.

Party chairman Puspa Kamal Dahal “Prachanda” and party’s ideologue Mohan Baidhya “Kiran” had presented two separate political proposals to determine the party’s future direction. Prachanda proposed a “Transitional Democratic Republic” model; Kiran proposed a radical “People’s Republic through Revolt” model*.

After days of meeting, the committee members could not resolve on which proposal to endorse. They are to have a discussion of the issue in the party’s general assembly, scheduled for some time next year.

At least that’s what people have been told.

Though, there’s a seeming “rift” among the Maoist central members – one for Prachanda+Baburam, another for Kiran+Gajurel. However, it was not that hard to comprehend that the rift is all but well designed propaganda, with media acting like a complete jerk.

Nepali Congress – it almost rejoiced on the news of the “rift” in the Maoist party. Opportunist, yet completely gullible!

Act 2: Maoists Cadres’ National Convention

Divided into 21 groups, some 1200 Maoist cadres got all set to discuss and finalize one of the two proposals.

Kiran’s proposal of declaring People’s Republic through a Revolt – appealed to those hard-ass-liners, radicals and extremists on the party’s frontline. Prachanda’s proposal seemed to appeal to those slightly drifting from the hardcore radicalism who had already started to grasp the idea – “you need to lick balls of the neighbors and power-nations to be in the power and when you get tired of licking balls, lick it all over again”.

So they discussed. For two days.

In the meantime, the “rift” was highlighted with jubilation in media. It was, they said, inevitable! The party is on the shameful brink of disintegration.

The designers must have had a good laugh.

Act 3: People’s Federal Democratic National Republic**

In an extraordinary turn of events, the party convention endorses Prachanda’s proposal. After five days of discussion, which had the whole nation gawking with full attention, the party cadres and central committee members agree to follow Prachanda’s proposal as the party’s future direction.

Baburam Bhattarai, thutey junga musaardai, said that the party is disintegration-proof and it will initiate its people centric work from the government, parliament and street. (What’s stopping you.. do it… please do it. Shut up and do it.)

After making everyone dance to their tune for five continuous days, the top heads ended the convention with a revolutionary exclamation mark – everyone one of them danced on the stage***.

Nothing is so delightful than a successful drama – a well executed and directed farce in three acts.
__

* The concept seems as ridiculous as the first ever wall president of Republic of Nepal – Prachanda. Kiran should be out of his mind. His proposal: People’s Republic through Revolt? Revolt – what revolt! His party is in the government, for Hanumaan’s sake! Has any one heard of any government revolting against itself? Revolt – for whom? for what? Ruling party revolting against what?

It beats me with its profound idiocy. The concept is palin stupid. Period.

** Somehow, it’s going to be hard for kids remembering our country’s name:
PFDNR of Nepal.

***

Our Honorable Constituent Assembly Members

CA members.
Forged bills.
Fake bills.
Reimbursement.
Bills of taxi fare, of shoe repair, of Horlicks, of fruits, of condoms.
These are the ones writing the new constitution for us.

Fact:
CA members earn approximately Rs.50,000 per month (salary and allowances of all sorts).

Daridra Maanasik’ta: Poverty is not a condition, it’s a mentality.

It’s Getting Better

Oh excellent!

Our Buddha Boy Bamjan is now ready and armed with “vajra” and is showering blessings and gratitude to his ever-obedient followers.

They are coming in thousands. Our Buddha Boy, has said he will be attain “nirvana” and then spread peace all over the world. Rejoice you all, rejoice.

Bamjan, our savior. Give us hope. Give us peace. Give us enlightenment. The one who has not eaten for 3 years, the supreme lord of Inedia, the one who can appear and disappear in a flicker of moment, the Buddha of Kaliyuug – lead us into your path towards glory.

The one who is untouched by wind, heat, winter storm, nor rain, nor snakes, nor wild animals – give us the light, before your re-disappear into the wild.

But until you re-emerge, till then, we will worship your posters (they should be already in the printing press by this time). We will burn incense every morning and pray for you – till you attain Buddhat’tyo.

Jai hoos. Jai hoos. Jai hoos.

***

Pic: BG
He traveled to Ratanpur, Bara for an investigative photojournalism and he said that the whole thing appeared as a big organized farce (ekdaam ramrari gariyeko nautanki lagyo malai ta) to him.

How dare he speak such disgrace about our Buddha Boy? Lord, may you forgive this little infantile deviated soul!!

Because it’s FUN

General Strikes, Bandha and Hadtaal might be pain in the ass for some, but for those out on the streets creating havoc and terror, its pure unadulterated fun.

When one has think about the options of recreation and entertainment for the youths of Nepal, ummm.. there are slim to none. Sports? No one plays football any more, for instance. There are no football grounds. The one inside the Dashrath Stadium is for novelty games – for a match between the comedians and musicians. WTF. WTF

Movies? What movies! No one really bothers going to cinema halls anymore. Rajesh Hamal has lost his charm. (Did he ever have any?) The new movies have Hindi titles. Buland. Balwaan. Hami Tin Bhai. Kismat. Kumari and Jai Nepal? Fuck, it’s 300 Rs.

Education? We have teachers turned into goons, vandalizing schools, beating up bus drivers and threatening students. Reading is no fun no more.

Music and musicians have degraded. Dance Restaurants are closed. We can’t go to the Casinos. The country’s only recreational park – Bhrikuti Mandap is in superb shambles.

Chanting political slogans. No fun.
Singing national anthem. No fun.
Poem. Shit.
Walking in rallies. No fun.
Getting jobs. What?
Silent protest. No fun.
Fast-till-death. Staying hungry. Out of question.

Thus, come any strikes, bandha and hadtaal – the youths rejoice, for these are the mere moments to be rejoiced about. These are divine.

In absolute lawlessness, we rejoice. There’s no rule of game. There’s only one principle.

Destroy.Destroy.Destroy.Fun.Fun.Fun.

Power to the youth!

***
Pics: AP
eKantipur

Our Savior, Our Buddha Boy

“Buddha Boy” Ram Bahadur Bamjan has once again re-emerged after hiding out in jungle in the southern Nepal for almost a year.

Our guy looks amazingly healthy and chubby this time around, might be the “natural food” he’s been eating during his retreat in the jungle. Clean-shaven and with that long wavy hair which surely makes Rajesh Hamal sulky with jealousy, our guy looks like a true rock-star.

Gautam Bamjan. Bamjan Buddha. Whatever. Many Buddhist followers believe that Bamjan is the reincarnation of Gautam Buddha. They had swarmed to the jungle where he was initially found “meditating” to see the god “live”. They really poured into that place, out of piety and curiosity. They started offering the Buddha Boy with “dakchina and bheti” (means money, of course) as normal Hindu/Buddhist followers do.

Media intervened.

And unlike Gautam Buddha some 2500 years ago, it was not that difficult for our Buddha Boy to gain instant celebrity status. Foreigners too, started thronging to the place (no fucking wonder).

A month or so passes by.

And, in a very dramatic manner, our Buddha Boy reportedly complained of annoyance because of the swarming devotees, and said he could not meditate in peace.

Fair enough.

He then disappeared into “unknown” retreat.

(In the meantime, nobody knows what happened to all those cash offered by the devotees.)

And now, our Buddha Boy has made a comeback.

 

With a legion of Tibetan-style monks surrounding him, standing in silence with utmost reverence, our Buddha Boy has made his reappearance. Surreal! Clad in white robe, our Buddha Boy sits on the lotus-pose under a primitive tree and showers his benevolence to nirvana-seekers. He bestows his devoted subjects with blessings of eternal peace and happiness (while the subjects in turn are offering him cash, food and anything deemed good enough to trade for peace and happiness).

People are happy. Buddha Boy is happy. Monks are happy.

It would be “suun ma sughanda” if our Buddha Boy started watching GOD TV and learned those miraculous stuffs like touch-healings, distant healings, televised healings and prayer healings performed by the likes of Pastor Benny Hinn and Todd Bentley (and even Sai Baba). Start Television evangalism.

People would be happier. Buddha Boy would be happier. Monks would be happier.

___

(Both pics by: Binod Joshi/AP)

America INVADES Nepal

Program: BBC Nepal’s Sajha Sawal on Kantipur TV

Venue: At a ground in front of the premises of Shakti Khor, Division 3, Chitawan.
Participants: Maoist leader Barsa Man Pun “Ananta” and Nepali Congress leader (forgot the name) with some 20-30 Maoist PLA combatants, some NC party workers and general people.

Issue: The Integration of Maoist Combatants into the National Army

The moderator asks one of the female Maoist combatants.

Q: Why do you think Nepal needs any army at all?
A: To protect the country from all sorts of invasion.

Q: Who is going to invade Nepal?
A: America. The imperialist America. Just turn the pages of history, you will realize America has always been invading the countries that are not in line with America’s imperialism and capitalism.

Q: Do you really think America will invade Nepal?
A: Yes it can.

***
The concept of “America invading Nepal” sounds really far-fetched, funny, scary, ridiculous, childish, inevitable…

America indeed has a history of invading countries, toppling democracies, administering puppet governments. It has a history of lying to its own people while ordering bombings, inquests and genocides, all sorts of atrocities – to protect its “national interest”.

Thus, with people like this particular army general – who thinks any non-western human life is expendable – is still in abundance in America, you never know what’s next after Iraq and Afghanistan.

“The Oriental does not put the same high price on life as a Westerner. Life is plentiful, life is cheap in the Orient. The philosophy of life in the Orient expresses that life is not important.” – General William Westmoreland (Vietnam War)
Source: Hearts and Mind (1974)

Nevertheless, the concept of America invading Nepal sounds equally unrealistic and bone chilling at the same time.

The combatant’s “apocalyptic” vision is really admirable, though. Well tought by the Maoists.

—

Highly Recommended:
Hearts and Mind (Documentary on Vietnam War, 1974)
War on Democracy (Documentary on American Invasion on Latin American Nations, by John PIlger)

IMPUNITY and SUPREME LAMENESS

There have been around 15000 deaths during the Maoist insurgency. There are hundreds of families we don’t know about how they died. Why Ramhari’s murder is this big an issue! Why a single incident of Ramhari Shrestha murder case is this important?

Well, somewhere sometime, this rampant regime of impunity has to end. Why not with Ramhari’s case! Why not now!

Ramhari Shrestha was not murdered during the insurgency. It was on May this year. The election of the Constituent Assembly was already over. He was murdered in one of the Maoists camps when the Maoists themselves were in the interim government. The UNMIN supposedly had/has a constant vigilance on the Maoists camps and cantonments. It happened right under the UNMIN’s watchful arse. That’s why this case is special.

The commission formed to investigate into Ramhari’s murder confirmed the involvement of three of the Maoists’ army commanders in his death. The Supreme Court ordered the three suspects be brought to justice. The Maoists tops said the three had been suspended from their People’s Liberation Army but never did try to hand them over to the police.

That was then.

Everyone, including the media, had almost forgotten Ramhari’s incident until reports started coming into the media about Minister for Defense Ram Bahadur Thapa “Baadal” meeting with one of the major suspect – Kali Bahadur Kham Magar a.k.a. Bibidh – at a public function in Chitawan.

Of course Maoist leader Baadal vehemently denied the news. If Baadal has lied in the parliament, he sure has the guts to act up. It’s no big deal some how.

The big deal is – the current Home Minister knows where the prime suspect is hiding. Is he even hiding? What our honorable Home Minister Bamdev Gautam insists is that “he wants to apprehend the suspect” but “there are technical constraints and the Police does not have the reach everywhere and everytime”.

That’s Bamdev’s extreme helplessness or absolute lameness. Whatever the reality is, he is too busy kissing Maoist ass. It’s just a complete mockery.

Sometimes Bamdev displays his supremacy, for instance, by wiping out the street vendors from the streets and thoroughfares of Kathmandu without any prior notice or alternative. Or when he roars with utmost confidence that “cyber cafes are the major centers of crimes and he will meticulously strike them down one by one”; and when he claims so arrogantly during public programs and inaugurations that he is unlike other Home Minister and is going to curb the criminal activities and bring the crime rates down significantly within the three months of his tenure, he seems to be in the command of the country’s police force and the criminals seem to be wetting their pants.

With just a little technical glitch.

Should he nab Bibidh? Yes.
Must he nab Bibidh? Yes, he has to protect his reputation.
Does he want to nab Bididh? May be.
Will he nab Bibidh? NO. He simply does not want to spoil his nice little productive profitable camaraderie with the Maoists.

Should the Maoists make it easier by handing Bibidh over to the police? Yes. If they are smart enough!
Will they make it easier by handing Bibidh to the police? No.
They best slit the guy’s throat, chop him up and pack him up in a ricebag and throw the bag down the river.

Case dismissed.

Bamu Kissing Prachu’s Arse

… and Prachu blushing over it – “Let go Bamu, there are women around”.

***
Time changes.
Politics changes.
Politicians don’t.

(Pic Dipsh)

SAID JOURNALISM

Some of the “lead” of news on Nepali print media on November 10, 2008.

***

Minister for Law, Justice and Constituent Assembly Affairs, Dev Prasad Gurung has said it is the government’s policy to make the Judiciary independent, accessible and transparent.
(Program: Constituent Assembly session)

Former Prime Minister and leader of Nepali Congress, Sher Bahadur Deuba has said his party has taken seriously the relief distribution and rehabilitation activities for people affected by floods, inundation and landslides in far-west region.
(Program: Public meeting at Phulbari, while visiting the area affected by flood)

Minister for Industry Asta Laxmi Shakya has said agreements with British and American organizations were made for the exploration of petroleum products in various 10 sites of Tarai.
(Program: Constituent Assembly session)

Minister for Agriculture and Cooperatives Jayaprakash Prasad Gupta has said no government has ever given priority to the agriculture though it is the backbone of national economy.
(Program: Constituent Assembly session)

Minister for Industry, Ashtalaxmi Shakya has said an industry-friendly policy is to be brought for reviving the sick industries and creating conducive environment for setting up new industries.
(Program: Inauguration of a Seminar)

Minister for Physical Planning and Works, Bijaya Kumar Ghachchhadar has said resolving issues of urban development is challenging task.
(Program: Fourth Session of World Urban Forum held in Nanjing, China)

Refuting the allegation that the government media houses have been used on the side of particular party, Minister for Information and Communications, Krishna Bahadur Mahara has said he did not exert any pressure on them.
(Program: Constituent Assembly session)

Senior media persons today said that Nepali press at present should be centered on the institutionalization of democratic republic and promotion of nationality, and advocate for the new constitution.
(Program: Interaction – Media and Role of Press at Present Context)

Minister for Water Resources, Bishnu Poudel has said the government remains firm to achieve its national commitment to produce additional 10 thousand megawatt electricity in next 10 years.
(Program: Constituent Assembly session)

Minister for Tourism and Civil Aviation, Hisila Yemi has said activities carried out by people of Syangja for internal tourism promotion show their efforts to rise above partisan interest.
(Program: National River and Kali Gandaki Rafting Festival, Syangja)

Former Prime Minister and President of Nepali Congress, Girija Prasad Koirala has said constitution-writing task should not be overshadowed under disputes on army adjustment.
(Program: Unveiling statue of Late Ganeshman Singh)

***

SAID JOURNALISM, the exclusive facade of Journalism in Nepal – immortalized by unmatchable REPORTING trend for years and years.

Gautam The Smartass

Laydies and Gents, I give you the news straight from the RSS News Service.

DPM Music Festival

Kathmandu, Nov. 5: Deputy Prime Minister Bamdev Gautam has expressed confidence that the folk culture of our country could be preserved for a long as she is enrich with multi castes, languages and cultures.

While inaugurating a four-day international folk music festival that kicked off in the capital today to mark the centenary of Nepali Music Recording and 25 years of the inception of Music Nepal, Deputy Prime Minister Gautam said the folk music is no longer in existence in the developed countries but Nepal is still rich in folk music no matter how it has sluggish economic development.
…

At the program, the organizing committee of the International Folk Music Festival informed that the artists from Norway, South Africa, Malawi, Palestine, Indian, including Nepal will present their folk music in Patan and Kathmandu on the occasion.

The title of the news had me, honestly. To my utter surprise, “DPM Music Festival” was not the title of the music festival. RSS ko ta na kura garum!

As you read further, we are delighted by our DPM Bam the Dev the Gautam’s credentials, a remarkable expertise on world folk music.

Gautam the Dev the Bam also hits the nail right on its head with supreme irrelevancy when he states: development in Nepal is sluggish but it is rich in folk music.

Add it to the list.
One more epic reason for us Nepali people to be proud of.